Yes, I'm not matured yet. In this gloomy period of time, I neglected to see anyone and avoiding talking face to face with anybody.
Because I dont want them to see me in this sad condition. I used to be known as someone who can cheer up any circumstances. But now, I will make everyone around me affected with my gloomy mood.
Hopefully this unwanted feeling will subsided soon. Very soon. Because I missed my frens laughter and smile.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Rezqi
I was blessed today. I had a chance to pray in mosque. The last time I went to mosque was Raya day. Still remember how Ayah put it as solat budaya instead of solat because of religion.
After sending Atoy to PICC, went to Cik Jan's house to do some suppose-to-do things. I'm glad because I have the opportunity to do so.
Went back home. My heart still feel a bit worried about going to work tomorrow. As I said in previous entry, feels like carrying a burden. My sayang not available tonight.
Read "Panduan Solat Lengkap" and suddenly flipped through solat sunat tasbih. The paragraph said " Boleh diamal sehari sekali sekiranya mampu. Jika tidak mampu, sebulan sekali atau setahun sekali atau seumur hidup sekali."
I remember doing it when in primary school during Qiamullail. Suddenly feel like doing it tonight.
Truth moment. My faith was tested during my solat sunat tasbih performance. But I do hope it will give me serenity and faith to face tomorrow. Hopefully I will be blessed tomorrow until forever. InsyaAllah.
After sending Atoy to PICC, went to Cik Jan's house to do some suppose-to-do things. I'm glad because I have the opportunity to do so.
Went back home. My heart still feel a bit worried about going to work tomorrow. As I said in previous entry, feels like carrying a burden. My sayang not available tonight.
Read "Panduan Solat Lengkap" and suddenly flipped through solat sunat tasbih. The paragraph said " Boleh diamal sehari sekali sekiranya mampu. Jika tidak mampu, sebulan sekali atau setahun sekali atau seumur hidup sekali."
I remember doing it when in primary school during Qiamullail. Suddenly feel like doing it tonight.
Truth moment. My faith was tested during my solat sunat tasbih performance. But I do hope it will give me serenity and faith to face tomorrow. Hopefully I will be blessed tomorrow until forever. InsyaAllah.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
What I Feel
Rite now, a bit relief.
Talking (ym) with Ayu just now, makes me feel a bit lighter.
No matter how hard pressure on you, friends is always a healer.
Family is what I missed the most now. First day, I went back to the empty house.
No sounds of tv or cooking from kitchen nor conversation in the living room.
Feel so empty. So sad.
I know I'm stressed. That's what Aja, Gheeta and Amar felt when they first moved to L2. Still remember how Aja cried at the first night working as L2. Still remember how Amar told me, felt like not worth it moving to L2 as carrying a burden everytime he comes to work.
All of that is the same feeling I have right now. Feels like I'm not belong there. My strength now is I believed that I am always well-protected by Allah. I just need to tawakal and seek help from Allah only.
La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus a'ha. InsyaAllah.
Talking (ym) with Ayu just now, makes me feel a bit lighter.
No matter how hard pressure on you, friends is always a healer.
Family is what I missed the most now. First day, I went back to the empty house.
No sounds of tv or cooking from kitchen nor conversation in the living room.
Feel so empty. So sad.
I know I'm stressed. That's what Aja, Gheeta and Amar felt when they first moved to L2. Still remember how Aja cried at the first night working as L2. Still remember how Amar told me, felt like not worth it moving to L2 as carrying a burden everytime he comes to work.
All of that is the same feeling I have right now. Feels like I'm not belong there. My strength now is I believed that I am always well-protected by Allah. I just need to tawakal and seek help from Allah only.
La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus a'ha. InsyaAllah.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Too Miserable
Hi Everyone,
Sorry because I'm not updating this blog for so long. I'm too miserable. Too miserable too write anything. No happy moments to share. Just sadness.
Need your help my friends. Pray for me. I need strength.
Thank you in advanced.
Sorry because I'm not updating this blog for so long. I'm too miserable. Too miserable too write anything. No happy moments to share. Just sadness.
Need your help my friends. Pray for me. I need strength.
Thank you in advanced.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Far Away
Just got sms from Jason. He bid farewell to me as he is going back to his hometown, Sabah. He wishes me good luck. Before that, Hermin ym-ed me, saying that he still not working now. These 2 person seems far away from me now. Even we are not so close while in the same office, but how could I forget Hermin who never failed to dropped by at my place everyday after having lunch at 5th floor pantry. And Jason who always be my reference in every aspect of my problem no matter in work or personal issue.
Wherever you are my friends, be strong and dont forget me ok!
Wherever you are my friends, be strong and dont forget me ok!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Last Day as L1
Today is my last day working as L1 in Dearborn-Bekaert backup team. Yay!
My feeling is very happy but a bit sad. My partner today is Bobi and he also will be moved to L2 team. Both of us quite air-headed today and don't feel like doing our last job as L1. But today is Friday. Friday means the busiest day as L1.
Lots of tickets and have to do media handling for about 140 sites and must be catered before 4pm. I do feel like tak cukup tangan because we shot of 1 person due to Kamel took leave for Deepavali. But we managed to do all that and by the end of the day, I feel so exhausted.
After work, Shaf and I went to Old Town to minum-minum. It feels like celebrating my last day as L1. We ordered quite a lot of food for both of us but not eating so much. We spend the time by gossiping. Shaf told me she is very nervous thinking about the 'big day'. She didn't know that I envy her so much at that time wondering when will be my turn.
We separated around 1030 and when I got home, my parents already in their room. I can hear Ayah recited Yaasin for Mak. Mak just sleep and looks so ill. Ayah said that something was bothering Mak just now that makes Mak feels hard to breath.
Rite now I feel numb and so tired.
Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah: Iqram dapat baby girl.
My feeling is very happy but a bit sad. My partner today is Bobi and he also will be moved to L2 team. Both of us quite air-headed today and don't feel like doing our last job as L1. But today is Friday. Friday means the busiest day as L1.
Lots of tickets and have to do media handling for about 140 sites and must be catered before 4pm. I do feel like tak cukup tangan because we shot of 1 person due to Kamel took leave for Deepavali. But we managed to do all that and by the end of the day, I feel so exhausted.
After work, Shaf and I went to Old Town to minum-minum. It feels like celebrating my last day as L1. We ordered quite a lot of food for both of us but not eating so much. We spend the time by gossiping. Shaf told me she is very nervous thinking about the 'big day'. She didn't know that I envy her so much at that time wondering when will be my turn.
We separated around 1030 and when I got home, my parents already in their room. I can hear Ayah recited Yaasin for Mak. Mak just sleep and looks so ill. Ayah said that something was bothering Mak just now that makes Mak feels hard to breath.
Rite now I feel numb and so tired.
Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah: Iqram dapat baby girl.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Netbook
My parents decided to stay here with me and just go back home in Penang when necessary. My mum cannot live in that house for now. That 'thing' dont want to come out yet. It still there as per commanded by the person who wants to hurt my mum.
I know I just can pray and make a request from Allah, that one day there will be something that can make that 'thing' go away and my mum can heal and be healthy.
On other updates on MyDia, he surprised me by buying a netbook. Adik-beradik notebook. Just now I saw MyDia through webcam. Hihi. Nice view honey!
I know I just can pray and make a request from Allah, that one day there will be something that can make that 'thing' go away and my mum can heal and be healthy.
On other updates on MyDia, he surprised me by buying a netbook. Adik-beradik notebook. Just now I saw MyDia through webcam. Hihi. Nice view honey!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Nauseating Day
I dont know if I spell the word right. But, that's what I felt today. I feel dizzy and want to puke. I dont know why. Maybe I'm too tired. My body is giving me some signal. But I refuse to give in.
I went back home and feel so relieved and happy to see my parents already arrived safely. I feel worried about them and keep thinking about their journey on the way to come here.
Both of them lying at the hall. Exhausted. My heart suddenly feel crushed to see them like that. Ayah told me that Mak getting worse after Atoy and me came back here. Maybe because of the 'meeting'. We met the people who make my mother sick, during hari raya. We can feel their hatred towards us.
Maybe after the meeting, they feel 'geram' to see my mother seems fine. Maybe after that meeting, they went to see their bomoh to make my mum feel more pain. I hate them.
I asked Ayah to accompany me to go to the restaurant near my house. While we walk, Ayah told me he's quite running out of money this month because he brought Mak to some people by hoping they will able to lessen Mak's illness. But seems like Mak still sick and I dont know how she still can endure that pain for a very long time.
I feel helpless now. I feel useless. I can do nothing for my mum. Even just now I performed solat hajat, I do feel so weak. I feel like an evil sat on my knee to refrain me from performing the solat hajat. Even that two rakaat feel like forever. Lemahnya iman aku.
Shopping not my therapy, but crying is. And now this monitor seems blurry. Let me swim in my tears for a while.
I went back home and feel so relieved and happy to see my parents already arrived safely. I feel worried about them and keep thinking about their journey on the way to come here.
Both of them lying at the hall. Exhausted. My heart suddenly feel crushed to see them like that. Ayah told me that Mak getting worse after Atoy and me came back here. Maybe because of the 'meeting'. We met the people who make my mother sick, during hari raya. We can feel their hatred towards us.
Maybe after the meeting, they feel 'geram' to see my mother seems fine. Maybe after that meeting, they went to see their bomoh to make my mum feel more pain. I hate them.
I asked Ayah to accompany me to go to the restaurant near my house. While we walk, Ayah told me he's quite running out of money this month because he brought Mak to some people by hoping they will able to lessen Mak's illness. But seems like Mak still sick and I dont know how she still can endure that pain for a very long time.
I feel helpless now. I feel useless. I can do nothing for my mum. Even just now I performed solat hajat, I do feel so weak. I feel like an evil sat on my knee to refrain me from performing the solat hajat. Even that two rakaat feel like forever. Lemahnya iman aku.
Shopping not my therapy, but crying is. And now this monitor seems blurry. Let me swim in my tears for a while.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I Want To Go Shopping
I need to go shopping. Not because I'm crazy about shopping. Shopping is not my stress therapy. But now I'm running out of decent clothes. My old pants now quite tight because my tummy getting bigger. I don't know why I'm quite buncit rite now. My blouse seems old and my scarves quite worn out. Not to mention my dalam-dalam things. But tak sampai la tahap roti kirai cam P.Ramlee tu. Haha!
I got a sign to buy new outfit when I went to breakfast with some of my friends after night shift. On the way back to our office, I noticed, my pants is tore around my thigh. What makes things worse is I'm sitting at the back in a car with Asip. I don't know he can see it or not. Mesti nampak bulu-bulu kat peha aku. Hahah!
Conclusion, yer aku berbulu sebab lahir tahun monyet and ada pertalian ngan orang utan.
I got a sign to buy new outfit when I went to breakfast with some of my friends after night shift. On the way back to our office, I noticed, my pants is tore around my thigh. What makes things worse is I'm sitting at the back in a car with Asip. I don't know he can see it or not. Mesti nampak bulu-bulu kat peha aku. Hahah!
Conclusion, yer aku berbulu sebab lahir tahun monyet and ada pertalian ngan orang utan.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Teka-Teki Yobi
Yobi, a new guy for KONE team asked us two teka-teki today.
The first 1 is, " Burung apa yang tangan dia atas kepala, kaki dia atas kepala, benda tut dia atas kepala, pendek kata semua lah atas kepala"
My answer to him is " Burung yang hinggap atas kepala lah". But he didnt hear it very clear and asked me to repeat my answer. Suddenly I'm afraid that the answer might have hidden meaning. So I just said nothing and asked for real answer instead. Turn out the answer is, burung yang kena pijak.
I'm quite confused with the answer. Then Aja said, the question should be, " Burung apa yang tangan dia kat kaki, kaki dia kat kaki, benda tut dia pun kat kaki, pendek kata semualah kat kaki"
Yobi silence for a while then slapped his own head while " Aah la, salah pulak teka teki." Of course la lepas tu kena kutuk. Nak bagi teka-teki tapi salah bagi. Apa la...
The 2nd teka-teki is, before Yobi shoots the questions, he warns us that the question might be a bit obcsene. The question is " Zakar apa yang paling happy?" Hik2. I know the answer in a blink of eye. I think everybody does, but we are too embarrassed to answer. I told Yobi I will answer by typing the words instead of saying out loud. But before I did it, Syed who sat beside me, answer it with a very loud voice innocently. That is when all of us laughing very hard.
Who says workplace is boring? Sumtimes stupied jokes can make u forget all the burden you are going through.
The first 1 is, " Burung apa yang tangan dia atas kepala, kaki dia atas kepala, benda tut dia atas kepala, pendek kata semua lah atas kepala"
My answer to him is " Burung yang hinggap atas kepala lah". But he didnt hear it very clear and asked me to repeat my answer. Suddenly I'm afraid that the answer might have hidden meaning. So I just said nothing and asked for real answer instead. Turn out the answer is, burung yang kena pijak.
I'm quite confused with the answer. Then Aja said, the question should be, " Burung apa yang tangan dia kat kaki, kaki dia kat kaki, benda tut dia pun kat kaki, pendek kata semualah kat kaki"
Yobi silence for a while then slapped his own head while " Aah la, salah pulak teka teki." Of course la lepas tu kena kutuk. Nak bagi teka-teki tapi salah bagi. Apa la...
The 2nd teka-teki is, before Yobi shoots the questions, he warns us that the question might be a bit obcsene. The question is " Zakar apa yang paling happy?" Hik2. I know the answer in a blink of eye. I think everybody does, but we are too embarrassed to answer. I told Yobi I will answer by typing the words instead of saying out loud. But before I did it, Syed who sat beside me, answer it with a very loud voice innocently. That is when all of us laughing very hard.
Who says workplace is boring? Sumtimes stupied jokes can make u forget all the burden you are going through.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Another Hour
It will be another hour before a new day. I dont have any story to tell today. I'm not exists for 1 day. After back from breakfast with my office friends, I fell asleep for more than 12 hours. I just passed out. I dont even wake up when my dad and Ain called me.
I think my body just shut down.
I think my body just shut down.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Customer
Yesterday, after get back from work, I stay up late. Because I have several customers to entertain.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Meeting Ami
I woke up and find Ami ym me. She wanted to see me today as she is on leave and have some kind of problem. I called her informing that I'll be working tonight so it's a bit hard for me to go there today seems she lives quite far from my place. It will be time-consuming and I need my sleep this evening so I can work at night. Furthermore, my car's air-con not working. So it's quite suffer for me to drive in humidity for an hour journey.
But once I finished talking to her on the phone, I feel terrible. I cannot sleep thinking about that. And I remember a few weeks back, I wish for a best friend here. Seems, Bart and Ayu so far away. And I never think of Ami as a best friend that I can always 'disturbed' because she's already married. A friend that I can always come and pour all the stories of my life.
I have a former best friend. We are so close and some people may thought we are lesbian. Of course we never have that kind of feeling. Even though. when we shared room in 2nd year in UPM, and always wearing only a bra and pants in our room. We never ogling each other body. But she is self-obsessed with her own body and always asking me either her boobs or other parts are ok or not. (Why I'm telling u this?) We ended up ruined our friendship because of a man (See! We are not lesbian) and money and trust.
So back to Ami's story, I went to her house which is at Sri Kembangan. On the way, I keep open and close my car's window due to no air-cond. Adjusting to the sound of my surrounding. Lucky, it's not raining and I just realize my car's meter also not working. Haha.
It took me 40 minutes to arrive there. I called Ami asking for guidance since this is the first time I went there. Her house is on the 4th of floor. Unfortunately, Ami lost her house key so she cannot let me in. She let me have a drink by passing thru the door grill. While she's searching the key, I'm acting like a peminta sedekah.
Fortunately, her husband back from work for a break. So, off we went to have a lunch. I just feel guilty to her husband because I feel like snatching Ami away from him since I know they need time for a reconciliation.
I planned to go to Bangi Chicken House but it is closed and maybe wont ever open again. Then we went to Warta Bangi and have our metropolitan meal. While eating, Ami told me her problem. As a friend I just can listen and I admit that I feel useless because cannot help her with amything. It's too complicated.
After eating, we went to pray and back to her home around 4. We chat while I'm drinking her special hazelnut coffee. It feels so good to reminisce our past happy moments back then at primary school and to share our view for current lifetime issue. Not to forget our gossip and kutuk-kutuk orang. Hihi.
To Ami, I wish the best for you and kalau apa-apa hang hello je aku. Kalau aku tak keje memang aku pi punya. Maklum ler bulan ni bulan alkoholik. Eh workaholic. Take care kawan!
But once I finished talking to her on the phone, I feel terrible. I cannot sleep thinking about that. And I remember a few weeks back, I wish for a best friend here. Seems, Bart and Ayu so far away. And I never think of Ami as a best friend that I can always 'disturbed' because she's already married. A friend that I can always come and pour all the stories of my life.
I have a former best friend. We are so close and some people may thought we are lesbian. Of course we never have that kind of feeling. Even though. when we shared room in 2nd year in UPM, and always wearing only a bra and pants in our room. We never ogling each other body. But she is self-obsessed with her own body and always asking me either her boobs or other parts are ok or not. (Why I'm telling u this?) We ended up ruined our friendship because of a man (See! We are not lesbian) and money and trust.
So back to Ami's story, I went to her house which is at Sri Kembangan. On the way, I keep open and close my car's window due to no air-cond. Adjusting to the sound of my surrounding. Lucky, it's not raining and I just realize my car's meter also not working. Haha.
It took me 40 minutes to arrive there. I called Ami asking for guidance since this is the first time I went there. Her house is on the 4th of floor. Unfortunately, Ami lost her house key so she cannot let me in. She let me have a drink by passing thru the door grill. While she's searching the key, I'm acting like a peminta sedekah.
Fortunately, her husband back from work for a break. So, off we went to have a lunch. I just feel guilty to her husband because I feel like snatching Ami away from him since I know they need time for a reconciliation.
I planned to go to Bangi Chicken House but it is closed and maybe wont ever open again. Then we went to Warta Bangi and have our metropolitan meal. While eating, Ami told me her problem. As a friend I just can listen and I admit that I feel useless because cannot help her with amything. It's too complicated.
After eating, we went to pray and back to her home around 4. We chat while I'm drinking her special hazelnut coffee. It feels so good to reminisce our past happy moments back then at primary school and to share our view for current lifetime issue. Not to forget our gossip and kutuk-kutuk orang. Hihi.
To Ami, I wish the best for you and kalau apa-apa hang hello je aku. Kalau aku tak keje memang aku pi punya. Maklum ler bulan ni bulan alkoholik. Eh workaholic. Take care kawan!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Relieved
Still no clue when I woke up this morning. I forced myself to go to work. Arrived at office around 8.45 am. I decided not to think about my dilemma anymore. Que sera sera.
Feel so bored cause not so many tickets. All done by my partner who is super hardworking. Had an OC conference with Mina, Nana, Shaf, Nat and Didi. I just reading their conversation. Unable to give respond as my mind is numb.
Late breakfast with Aja and Munira. They passionately talk about their work. I envy them to like what they are doing. After breakfast, got called from company B. I told them about me being promoted to L2. I asked them to gimme a day to consider both offer.
Around 3 pm, Mohan and Fauzy called me to do some negotiations. Then, Mohan went to see big boss. After 5 minutes, he shows me the result. I'm quite happy with the offer. I feel so relieved to let got this burden.
Thank You Allah.
Feel so bored cause not so many tickets. All done by my partner who is super hardworking. Had an OC conference with Mina, Nana, Shaf, Nat and Didi. I just reading their conversation. Unable to give respond as my mind is numb.
Late breakfast with Aja and Munira. They passionately talk about their work. I envy them to like what they are doing. After breakfast, got called from company B. I told them about me being promoted to L2. I asked them to gimme a day to consider both offer.
Around 3 pm, Mohan and Fauzy called me to do some negotiations. Then, Mohan went to see big boss. After 5 minutes, he shows me the result. I'm quite happy with the offer. I feel so relieved to let got this burden.
Thank You Allah.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sick Leave
I took an MC today. I'm not sick but I really don't have the heart to go to work. I woke up early around six. My mind blank and I just stared at the ceiling. Trying to remember what was I dreaming just now. People always get some messages after doing solat Istikharah. But I can't remember anything.
MyDia not sleeping yet. I told him I don't want to go to work. I started sms-ing all the suppose to standby people, my team leader and my manager. Dilan the first one to reply my sms telling me he cannot replace me because he's not feeling well. Followed by Kamel, who also cannot replace me because she has to go to the hospital. Others replied me by saying they are out of town. I sms-ed my team leader telling him nobody can replace me today. I informed Fateen, my work partner for today and she didnt mind with no replacement because we didnt have so many tickets to handle today.
Then I back to laze around in my room. Tried to make my friends jeaolous by ym-ing them telling that I was at home. Everybody seems busy. Boring! Never mind as long I have myDia to chat with. Around 11 he cannot stand the sleepiness and fell asleep. I kissed him on the forehead and wish him sweet dreams. (Just kidding. He's a thousand miles away from me)
I took a shower, ate the last night leftover food while watching nip/tuck season 1. After that performed my zuhur and asar, recited some surah and update my blog with previous entry. MyDia woke up around 5. Later, I chatted with Ami, Asip and Fateen. Feel so lazy to go to clinic to take MC and don't know what kind of illnes that I want to tell the doctor in order to get my MC. Ami suggested period pain. Ok, I'll go with it.
After Isyak prayer, I went to find a clinic. I'm thinking of stuffing some tissues in my bra to make my chest look swollen (Too much information? Well, that's a period symptom. I need to look real). I can choose easier way by wearing baggy t-shirt. But I already thrown away all the baggy t-shirt because it looks too big on me. Ended up wearing my usual outfit. Dont worry, no oversized t-shirt or tissue inside.
My fave clinic, as I expected, was closed today. That clinic always closed but the doctor is very kind. It's not hard to get MC from him. I searched around and fortunately I found a clinic that located a bit secluded. After I did the registration, I wait for a while. A man walked into the clinic wearing a simple baju melayu. He gave salam to me. I answered his salam while reciting ayatul-qursi in my heart. (Mana la tau, zaman sekarang guna salam pun bole pukau orang. Scary ooo).
I was called to see a doctor and turned out the man who gaves salam to me earlier is the doctor. I tried to tell the doctor as innocent as I can that i'm having period pain. The doctor spoke with influent malay. I think he is not local. While taking my blood pressure, he's passing the DVD he just bought to his assistant and they discussed which one of the film is their fave.
My blood pressure seems normal although I'm a bit nervous. I'm not used to lie. ( Yo lah tu). Hopefully my team leader and manager wont found this blog. If they do, hey guys, I know you're cool.They will understand that I work too hard for the past week. Hihi.
The doctor asked me whether I preferred to have an injection and of course I refused and asked him to give me medicine instead. I wonder if he want to test me if I'm telling the truth. And Voila! I finally got an MC. Yay!
Before I got home, I went to pasar malam to buy Yong Tau Foo. Sakit perut konon.
MyDia not sleeping yet. I told him I don't want to go to work. I started sms-ing all the suppose to standby people, my team leader and my manager. Dilan the first one to reply my sms telling me he cannot replace me because he's not feeling well. Followed by Kamel, who also cannot replace me because she has to go to the hospital. Others replied me by saying they are out of town. I sms-ed my team leader telling him nobody can replace me today. I informed Fateen, my work partner for today and she didnt mind with no replacement because we didnt have so many tickets to handle today.
Then I back to laze around in my room. Tried to make my friends jeaolous by ym-ing them telling that I was at home. Everybody seems busy. Boring! Never mind as long I have myDia to chat with. Around 11 he cannot stand the sleepiness and fell asleep. I kissed him on the forehead and wish him sweet dreams. (Just kidding. He's a thousand miles away from me)
I took a shower, ate the last night leftover food while watching nip/tuck season 1. After that performed my zuhur and asar, recited some surah and update my blog with previous entry. MyDia woke up around 5. Later, I chatted with Ami, Asip and Fateen. Feel so lazy to go to clinic to take MC and don't know what kind of illnes that I want to tell the doctor in order to get my MC. Ami suggested period pain. Ok, I'll go with it.
After Isyak prayer, I went to find a clinic. I'm thinking of stuffing some tissues in my bra to make my chest look swollen (Too much information? Well, that's a period symptom. I need to look real). I can choose easier way by wearing baggy t-shirt. But I already thrown away all the baggy t-shirt because it looks too big on me. Ended up wearing my usual outfit. Dont worry, no oversized t-shirt or tissue inside.
My fave clinic, as I expected, was closed today. That clinic always closed but the doctor is very kind. It's not hard to get MC from him. I searched around and fortunately I found a clinic that located a bit secluded. After I did the registration, I wait for a while. A man walked into the clinic wearing a simple baju melayu. He gave salam to me. I answered his salam while reciting ayatul-qursi in my heart. (Mana la tau, zaman sekarang guna salam pun bole pukau orang. Scary ooo).
I was called to see a doctor and turned out the man who gaves salam to me earlier is the doctor. I tried to tell the doctor as innocent as I can that i'm having period pain. The doctor spoke with influent malay. I think he is not local. While taking my blood pressure, he's passing the DVD he just bought to his assistant and they discussed which one of the film is their fave.
My blood pressure seems normal although I'm a bit nervous. I'm not used to lie. ( Yo lah tu). Hopefully my team leader and manager wont found this blog. If they do, hey guys, I know you're cool.They will understand that I work too hard for the past week. Hihi.
The doctor asked me whether I preferred to have an injection and of course I refused and asked him to give me medicine instead. I wonder if he want to test me if I'm telling the truth. And Voila! I finally got an MC. Yay!
Before I got home, I went to pasar malam to buy Yong Tau Foo. Sakit perut konon.
Confused
Current job:
Pro - promoted, familiar with environment, permanent probation, no bond
Cons - shift, lower salary, stuck with Evil
New job offer:
Pro - higher salary, office hour, new people
Cons - fresh start, new environment, contract for 2 years, bond for 1 year
Haiyaaaaaaaaaaa....
Pro - promoted, familiar with environment, permanent probation, no bond
Cons - shift, lower salary, stuck with Evil
New job offer:
Pro - higher salary, office hour, new people
Cons - fresh start, new environment, contract for 2 years, bond for 1 year
Haiyaaaaaaaaaaa....
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Most Sakit Kepala Day
I still not tender my resignation. Quite frustrated when company C guy didn't call me yet. I tried to call him but end up the number is not reachable at the moment. Is this company a scam or what?
Company B calling me today. They want confirmation either I want to accept their offer or not. Of course I say I accepted it. Even I'm not sure about it. Lucky, I still have time to do the consideration. There are some confusions regarding my contract and they will contact me again for confirmation.
Today I cannot do any tickets due to my pc being formatted because of virus. So I just use other people pc but cannot do anything because I dont have administrator privileges to install anything in the pc.
There is one guy I tried to avoid. It's not the Admirer guy. He is not in this shift. Thank god.
Let me call this guy Evil guy. He's the reason why I lost my faith to work here. After the incident which I dont want to share it here yet, I know he realized that I dont like him. Totally hate him.
I noticed he kinda missed me because we didnt see each other due to hari raya break. He tried to be near me and talk to me. At first, for a moment I forgot that I hated him. So I responded to him with my usual cheerful manner. He seems so happy because he thought I already forget the painful incident.
Suddenly I came to my senses and ignore him the way I did after the incident. He seems taken aback with my sudden reaction. I sat at my place and stared at the pc. He still standing behind me.
Then he came behind me and took my pc's mouse. He made an excuse to search for something even he can just find the information in other people pc even in his own pc. I cannot move because he was really close to me.
After that, he said 'Thank You" loud enough for everybody to hear. As if he wants me to know that he had enough with me stubbornly still protesting what he did to me. Rest of the day, I tried to avoid him. When I see him coming near my seating area, I will run to other places.
At some point I cannot run anymore and he took that chance to come to me and bashed out his resentment by humiliating me with telling everyone in the room that I always talk behind other's people back. What the hell.
I took a long break today because I dont want to be near him. I managed to escape even longer when my big boss wanted to see me. The meeting held in a meeting room and it was about a briefing for me promoted to be 2nd level.
I told big boss I already accepted other offer. He seems suprised and unsure what to do. Maybe he's relieved because he doesnt have to deal with me after this. He told me, he may adjust the salary so it will nearly match my other offer. He also consoled me to stay by promised me the shorter probation period And this is how I got my super terrible headache.
Came back home and I just did my solat istikarah. Wish me luck.
Company B calling me today. They want confirmation either I want to accept their offer or not. Of course I say I accepted it. Even I'm not sure about it. Lucky, I still have time to do the consideration. There are some confusions regarding my contract and they will contact me again for confirmation.
Today I cannot do any tickets due to my pc being formatted because of virus. So I just use other people pc but cannot do anything because I dont have administrator privileges to install anything in the pc.
There is one guy I tried to avoid. It's not the Admirer guy. He is not in this shift. Thank god.
Let me call this guy Evil guy. He's the reason why I lost my faith to work here. After the incident which I dont want to share it here yet, I know he realized that I dont like him. Totally hate him.
I noticed he kinda missed me because we didnt see each other due to hari raya break. He tried to be near me and talk to me. At first, for a moment I forgot that I hated him. So I responded to him with my usual cheerful manner. He seems so happy because he thought I already forget the painful incident.
Suddenly I came to my senses and ignore him the way I did after the incident. He seems taken aback with my sudden reaction. I sat at my place and stared at the pc. He still standing behind me.
Then he came behind me and took my pc's mouse. He made an excuse to search for something even he can just find the information in other people pc even in his own pc. I cannot move because he was really close to me.
After that, he said 'Thank You" loud enough for everybody to hear. As if he wants me to know that he had enough with me stubbornly still protesting what he did to me. Rest of the day, I tried to avoid him. When I see him coming near my seating area, I will run to other places.
At some point I cannot run anymore and he took that chance to come to me and bashed out his resentment by humiliating me with telling everyone in the room that I always talk behind other's people back. What the hell.
I took a long break today because I dont want to be near him. I managed to escape even longer when my big boss wanted to see me. The meeting held in a meeting room and it was about a briefing for me promoted to be 2nd level.
I told big boss I already accepted other offer. He seems suprised and unsure what to do. Maybe he's relieved because he doesnt have to deal with me after this. He told me, he may adjust the salary so it will nearly match my other offer. He also consoled me to stay by promised me the shorter probation period And this is how I got my super terrible headache.
Came back home and I just did my solat istikarah. Wish me luck.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Standby Again!!!
I woke up around 4 PM yesterday. Feel like doing nothing. As usual, skype-ing with my Dia. He seems mad at me because I fell asleep in the middle of something that we suppose to do together. Tehehe... Sorry my Dia.
Time goes by and suddenly it's already near 9 pm. Guess what? Got an sms from Bobi and Izan asking me want to standby or not because Dilan took an MC again. What the hell...
It took me an hour to take a shower and get ready to go to work and I arrived at the office around 10.30. Feel so hungry and my mind just thinking about old town white coffee. I know my entrance to the office floor invited several pairs of eyes to look at me. I can see those eyes. But I'm so over in the mood to be control-control ayu anymore.
After login to my pc, I was greeted by Admirer through OC. He was calling me sayang. Sayang kepala hotak kau. Man, what a desperado he is. After login, me and Izan off to go to Old Town White Coffee restaurant which is located at Kota Damansara. Actually I asked Syed to join us but he refused. My evil mind thought it must be because he is someone's husband. Hihi.
Spend around 2 hours there, where in the middle of our conversation, Izan got a call from her family member that someone in their relatives' family died. Innalillahi Wainna Ilaihi Rojiun. Got back to the office and stupid tickets. Admirer insists calling me sayang and that is when I threatened him to drop that sayang thingy if he wish to speak to me again.
Later that night I paste all the sayang things from the Admirer to my Dia ym. (Another way for me to tell you my dear, it's a mistake if you ever think to leave me because I'm hot. Haha!)
Conclusion for today, people might confused why I'm so happy the other day when I know someone admiring me and today I hate that admirer. I am happy because I realised despite all the bad things happened to me, I still have something good within me that make some people look at me. But it doesnt mean I will like the person who admires me. Futhermore if he's trying to ignore the fact that I already have my Dia after I told him. Clear everyone?
Time goes by and suddenly it's already near 9 pm. Guess what? Got an sms from Bobi and Izan asking me want to standby or not because Dilan took an MC again. What the hell...
It took me an hour to take a shower and get ready to go to work and I arrived at the office around 10.30. Feel so hungry and my mind just thinking about old town white coffee. I know my entrance to the office floor invited several pairs of eyes to look at me. I can see those eyes. But I'm so over in the mood to be control-control ayu anymore.
After login to my pc, I was greeted by Admirer through OC. He was calling me sayang. Sayang kepala hotak kau. Man, what a desperado he is. After login, me and Izan off to go to Old Town White Coffee restaurant which is located at Kota Damansara. Actually I asked Syed to join us but he refused. My evil mind thought it must be because he is someone's husband. Hihi.
Spend around 2 hours there, where in the middle of our conversation, Izan got a call from her family member that someone in their relatives' family died. Innalillahi Wainna Ilaihi Rojiun. Got back to the office and stupid tickets. Admirer insists calling me sayang and that is when I threatened him to drop that sayang thingy if he wish to speak to me again.
Later that night I paste all the sayang things from the Admirer to my Dia ym. (Another way for me to tell you my dear, it's a mistake if you ever think to leave me because I'm hot. Haha!)
Conclusion for today, people might confused why I'm so happy the other day when I know someone admiring me and today I hate that admirer. I am happy because I realised despite all the bad things happened to me, I still have something good within me that make some people look at me. But it doesnt mean I will like the person who admires me. Futhermore if he's trying to ignore the fact that I already have my Dia after I told him. Clear everyone?
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Men With Greed
After my experience with the admirer, yesterday morning I chat with my friend, H. Actually we bumped into each other while I was out from the office. But he has to rush to be on shift.
Later when I'm home, we chat thru ym and I told him about the admirer. As I expected, this guy already has a girlfriend. H quite pissed off with this admirer because trying to flirt with me with him already has a girlfriend summore. I told H, I dont give a damn about this guy because I already have my wonderful Dia.
After a little chat with H telling me about his crush on his ex-student, off I went to sleep. Woke up around 3.50 PM. Cut the story short, I'm back on night shift replacing Bobi who took annual leave.
The admirer try to have some more conversation with me again. Through OC of course. Oh forgot to tell, I cant help myself but walk like a model-model control ayu ( not Ayu) when I walked past the Admirer row seating. Haha! Because I know I have an audience.
I'm quite busy that night with all the media handling issue. After I finished checking the device monitoring, the Admirer still want to chat with me. So I asked him about his girlfriend. So here I was to hear all this bullshitting my-girlfriend-is-bitch thing. I just laughed because I've been through this over and over. Man, how can they be like that. Telling the story so casual. Entah-entah girlfriend tu muslimah sejati je. But this guy either boring with their girlfriend or just cant help themselves when seeing a cute girl like me ( Bole tak perasan sekejap).
This guy also try to have a chat with me by coming over to my place. Well it's 3 AM and what do you expect from a girl at that time. All I can give is sleepy respond.
Conclusion for the today, it's quite tiring to control ayu all the time. I tried several times when I want to go to the toilet or pantry. At last I give up and back to my usual slouch walk. Wonder how all those girly-girly chicks managed to control ayu all the time.
Later when I'm home, we chat thru ym and I told him about the admirer. As I expected, this guy already has a girlfriend. H quite pissed off with this admirer because trying to flirt with me with him already has a girlfriend summore. I told H, I dont give a damn about this guy because I already have my wonderful Dia.
After a little chat with H telling me about his crush on his ex-student, off I went to sleep. Woke up around 3.50 PM. Cut the story short, I'm back on night shift replacing Bobi who took annual leave.
The admirer try to have some more conversation with me again. Through OC of course. Oh forgot to tell, I cant help myself but walk like a model-model control ayu ( not Ayu) when I walked past the Admirer row seating. Haha! Because I know I have an audience.
I'm quite busy that night with all the media handling issue. After I finished checking the device monitoring, the Admirer still want to chat with me. So I asked him about his girlfriend. So here I was to hear all this bullshitting my-girlfriend-is-bitch thing. I just laughed because I've been through this over and over. Man, how can they be like that. Telling the story so casual. Entah-entah girlfriend tu muslimah sejati je. But this guy either boring with their girlfriend or just cant help themselves when seeing a cute girl like me ( Bole tak perasan sekejap).
This guy also try to have a chat with me by coming over to my place. Well it's 3 AM and what do you expect from a girl at that time. All I can give is sleepy respond.
Conclusion for the today, it's quite tiring to control ayu all the time. I tried several times when I want to go to the toilet or pantry. At last I give up and back to my usual slouch walk. Wonder how all those girly-girly chicks managed to control ayu all the time.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Admirer
I suffered a bit yesterday. But today is different. Allah Maha Penyayang. He puts smile on my face today. While working last night. Someone added me to Office communicator (OC), one of our communication tool. Something like YM.
I thought he is from other team who wants to follow up on some issue but ended up that he's interested on knowing me. He said from yesterday he wants to add me but only today he managed to know my name by asking someone from my team.
Well, to know someone admiring me, enough to amend last night suffer. (Dont worry sayang, my heart still with you). We chatted through the night and that's the thing I usually do even with others on night shift to keep us awake all night. He told me that he's really want to befriend with me and asked for my phone number. He is younger than me. We have 4 years gap. But still he continued chatting with me. Maybe he wants to be polite.
End of the day, he asked me to breakfast together. As usual, I politely decline. I told him that my cik abang already waiting for me. ( Even I know my cik abang sayang already sleeping, cess). And then he told me to take care my cik abang baik-baik and not to forget him if there is any chance between us. He also quite suprised with himself being straight-forward with me. He just want to make sure I got the point that he's really likes me.
Enough about that guy. About yesterday entry, I'm unaware by posting that entry, I actually hurt the feeling of the person that I love the most, my boyfriend. Because, he is a cleaner. Being wonderful as he always is, he never shows any hurtful feeling after reading that entry. Until I realized what I already did. I ask him whether he mad at me and he simply said no. But calmly he explains to me why that makcik cleaner mad at me.
Aiyo, pasal makcik cleaner pun dah 2 entri.
Conclusion for today, that admirer guy sure got so many pahala because he makes me happy today. To my sayang, chenta ku tetap pada mu. Hahah, poyo.
I thought he is from other team who wants to follow up on some issue but ended up that he's interested on knowing me. He said from yesterday he wants to add me but only today he managed to know my name by asking someone from my team.
Well, to know someone admiring me, enough to amend last night suffer. (Dont worry sayang, my heart still with you). We chatted through the night and that's the thing I usually do even with others on night shift to keep us awake all night. He told me that he's really want to befriend with me and asked for my phone number. He is younger than me. We have 4 years gap. But still he continued chatting with me. Maybe he wants to be polite.
End of the day, he asked me to breakfast together. As usual, I politely decline. I told him that my cik abang already waiting for me. ( Even I know my cik abang sayang already sleeping, cess). And then he told me to take care my cik abang baik-baik and not to forget him if there is any chance between us. He also quite suprised with himself being straight-forward with me. He just want to make sure I got the point that he's really likes me.
Enough about that guy. About yesterday entry, I'm unaware by posting that entry, I actually hurt the feeling of the person that I love the most, my boyfriend. Because, he is a cleaner. Being wonderful as he always is, he never shows any hurtful feeling after reading that entry. Until I realized what I already did. I ask him whether he mad at me and he simply said no. But calmly he explains to me why that makcik cleaner mad at me.
Aiyo, pasal makcik cleaner pun dah 2 entri.
Conclusion for today, that admirer guy sure got so many pahala because he makes me happy today. To my sayang, chenta ku tetap pada mu. Hahah, poyo.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Bad Mood Sangat2
Well, my first entry for this blog is not a good start. I am in a very bad mood. Instead of 2 person per shift, I worked alone last night. My supposed-to-be shift partner took an MC and nobody available to standby for him. This is the first time in our team history, only one person managing the whole queue.
I sat at my place for the whole 12 hours. Not even got a chance to eat at the pantry or performed my prayers. I know some people might say why not I just leave my work for a while. I know my job is not my God. But I do not have any options. Those tickets come without warning and must owned in 15 minutes.
Another hour before the shift ends, I felt a bit dizzy due to lack of sleep. At 8.30, day shifter person arrived and I have to wait until she finished log in all the applications before I can go back home. Once she's done, I brought along my last night McD's coke and paper cup that still have half left nescafe in it.
I went straight to the toilet and throw the coke and the paper cup into the bin which is inside the toilet. Then I did my business in the loo. Suddenly I heard someone entered the toilet. Then I heard this person yelling, " Hei, lain kali nak buang air dalam tong sampah ni buang la air dulu dalam sinki. "
So, I know that is makcik cleaner. I admit my mistake and actually that is the first time I did that. I'm so tired to do anything even to think that's why I just dumped those things in the bin. I want to say sorry but then I heard she's complaining, " Macam ni ler jadi kalau dah biasa buat benda-benda macam ni."
And that's really make me snapped. What comes from me is, " Dah jadi cleaner tu cuci je la. Dah tu tong sampah, sukati lah orang nak buang apa pun." Tapi dalam hati je la. Hihi.
Conclusion is, tiring feeling can make u less sane. To makcik cleaner, sorry to troubles you and I promise not to do the same mistake again.
On the way back to my home, I have to follow behind the dumpster truck. Maybe that is my kifarah. Muahahaha.
I sat at my place for the whole 12 hours. Not even got a chance to eat at the pantry or performed my prayers. I know some people might say why not I just leave my work for a while. I know my job is not my God. But I do not have any options. Those tickets come without warning and must owned in 15 minutes.
Another hour before the shift ends, I felt a bit dizzy due to lack of sleep. At 8.30, day shifter person arrived and I have to wait until she finished log in all the applications before I can go back home. Once she's done, I brought along my last night McD's coke and paper cup that still have half left nescafe in it.
I went straight to the toilet and throw the coke and the paper cup into the bin which is inside the toilet. Then I did my business in the loo. Suddenly I heard someone entered the toilet. Then I heard this person yelling, " Hei, lain kali nak buang air dalam tong sampah ni buang la air dulu dalam sinki. "
So, I know that is makcik cleaner. I admit my mistake and actually that is the first time I did that. I'm so tired to do anything even to think that's why I just dumped those things in the bin. I want to say sorry but then I heard she's complaining, " Macam ni ler jadi kalau dah biasa buat benda-benda macam ni."
And that's really make me snapped. What comes from me is, " Dah jadi cleaner tu cuci je la. Dah tu tong sampah, sukati lah orang nak buang apa pun." Tapi dalam hati je la. Hihi.
Conclusion is, tiring feeling can make u less sane. To makcik cleaner, sorry to troubles you and I promise not to do the same mistake again.
On the way back to my home, I have to follow behind the dumpster truck. Maybe that is my kifarah. Muahahaha.
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