Nauseating Day

I dont know if I spell the word right. But, that's what I felt today. I feel dizzy and want to puke. I dont know why. Maybe I'm too tired. My body is giving me some signal. But I refuse to give in.

I went back home and feel so relieved and happy to see my parents already arrived safely. I feel worried about them and keep thinking about their journey on the way to come here.

Both of them lying at the hall. Exhausted. My heart suddenly feel crushed to see them like that. Ayah told me that Mak getting worse after Atoy and me came back here. Maybe because of the 'meeting'. We met the people who make my mother sick, during hari raya. We can feel their hatred towards us.

Maybe after the meeting, they feel 'geram' to see my mother seems fine. Maybe after that meeting, they went to see their bomoh to make my mum feel more pain. I hate them.

I asked Ayah to accompany me to go to the restaurant near my house. While we walk, Ayah told me he's quite running out of money this month because he brought Mak to some people by hoping they will able to lessen Mak's illness. But seems like Mak still sick and I dont know how she still can endure that pain for a very long time.

I feel helpless now. I feel useless. I can do nothing for my mum. Even just now I performed solat hajat, I do feel so weak. I feel like an evil sat on my knee to refrain me from performing the solat hajat. Even that two rakaat feel like forever. Lemahnya iman aku.

Shopping not my therapy, but crying is. And now this monitor seems blurry. Let me swim in my tears for a while.